Beloved's Beloved

This story has been written, as if, a traveler sees a happening of the past in a dream and narrates his dream.]

It started raining in torrents. All round was desolate. No village or habitation could be seen. My clothes got wet, my handbag got wet, cold breeze started. At the bottom, the feet slipped, on the head, the rain poured. The cold breeze from all sides was taking away the warmth of the body. O, Lord, What will happen? I have waited enough in hope. My eyes gazed far and farthest, but there was no sign of any place to rest. It was no use waiting without a place to rest and the walking was adding to the woes in every step. But there was an advantage in walking. The walking was making up the loss of warmth in the body that was being caused by the cold breeze and there could be some hope of living along. But now, even the bones got tired and numb and walking became difficult.

In this distress, I sighted a minaret. The heart wished that it should not be a solid structure, but might be a temple, so that one could rest there.

My eyes got fixed on it, the mind prayed, the feet made an effort and the minaret came. Luck favored, it was not a solid structure. There was an open doorway but no door. There was place to sit, or even lie down with bended knees. Initially, it occurred to me that I should be thoughtful, it might be a sacred place of a pious person for meditation, but then I thought, those who were giving comfort to others while living, will also like to give comfort to others after their death. So, I stood under the extended roof, took off my

shoes, and opened my bag. It was wet from outside but inside I could find one set of clothes that were dry. I took off my wet clothes, wiped my body, put on dry clothes, and went inside and occupied it. It was warm inside, and I felt relaxed. Earlier, I was thinking of the cold and the rain, but now I felt relaxed.

Now I started thinking, see, how I have got this place to rest. If, I had not got this place, then what would have happened to me, only the Lord would know. Some pious person must have got it made. Maybe, some pious person got it made to save my life only. It is not a gurdwara, nor a temple, nor a burial place. Then, what could it be?

The mind said: Why count the mangoes? Eat and enjoy. In that thinking, I decided to lie down with knees bent, as the place allowed only that much. I felt relaxed and soon went to sleep.

While sleeping, there was a flash, and in that flash I saw a very fair lady. There was a shine and splendor on her face. Her eyes were full of love.

She said: O, traveler, greedy for your own comfort, Lord has given you a place to rest. What respect have you shown to the Lord? You have not even said your daily prayer. You were in a hurry to go to sleep. You have not even thanked the Lord. Without thankfulness, man cannot be considered well mannered. In today's difficulty and despair, and in the hope of getting a place to rest, you got so much absorbed in the feeling of relief, that you forgot to recite Rehraas and Sohila. It appears, you just want to add some spiritual knowledge to your mind. You are not eager to reach the Lord. When, one is on the path of love, one should not have a false devotion.

I replied: You are right. It is true my devotion to the Lord is for greed only. But, I am of the Lord. He is my master. He is the savior. I have faith in his being a bestowal of forgiveness.

In this thinking, I really felt repentant and sorry, and I felt, I was good for nothing.

At this moment, there was a divine music from the sky, and the singing of divine hymns. I had never heard such melodious, sweet, loving, and pleasure giving song earlier. After that it was Rehraas and Aarfcr. Who were reciting, and where were they sitting, I could not see. It appeared, as if the breeze had a tongue.

A few moments later, again the fairy like lady appeared. I said: Can I know what monument is this?

The fairy like lady replied: Gentleman, this is a monument of the times of Gautam Buddha. Here a disciple of Buddha used to sit and meditate. It is not

long enough. He did not want to be lazy and sleeping. Many other people also meditated here to control their mind.

With times, Buddhism vanished from India. When the Mohammedan rulers invaded India, they destroyed these structures. This structure was also lying as rubble when some good hands repaired it, put some new bricks and mortar, and gave life to this monument again.

Well, after knowing all this, are you satisfied or as a human inclination, after knowing something, one becomes eager to know more and more.

I said: Speaking the truth, I really want to know, with what idea this structure was rebuilt, and what is your share in the rebuilding.

The lady, who was fairer than a fairy, and full of love, laughingly said: O, traveler, Man is very eager to know everything. Man fills his mind with all the knowledge, but he does not act on the knowledge that he has gained otherwise he could become what he has known.

O, traveler, for your sake, I shall narrate the story to you. Listen and understand. This is a long story and has deep meanings. If you listen to it with amazement, then you will not understand much, but if you listen with devotion and attention, then you can understand what transpired here, and what you can gain from it.

This is my life story. I narrate it as follows: I was born in a king's family. My dad was the king of this state. He was very strong headed and controlled all the neighboring states. Since, I was born after some years of his marriage, I was greatly loved and pampered. Being a princess, I was fearless and had full freedom. I used to go horse-riding and hunting. I used to play hockey and other games with my girl friends. The world was an ocean of happiness for me. From morning till evening, it was laughing, playing, eating, giving charities, merrily sitting and happily sleeping. There was no one who could say anything to me. I was my mom's pampered daughter. My dad loved my mom very much. As such, I was the apple of my dad's eyes. My dad also loved me very much. Being the only child of my parents, nobody on earth could equal me. I was greatly respected by the people of the state.

My elders could not say anything to me due to their love for me.

In these luxuries and merriments, eighteen years passed. I did not know what was evil and what was pious. In my mind, I hardly felt any difference between a man and a woman. For me, the world was a place of comfort and play, and it seemed as if everything is meant for my pleasure. The whole day, I was laughing and joking with my friends like a deer rxinning around. At

night, when I came home, I used to sit in the lap of my mom and say: Mom, give me something to eat. She used to put food in my mouth with her own hands. Then, I used to have a glass of milk and jump on to my ivory bed. The moment I put my head on the silken pillow, I was asleep. I never turned at night, never had any dream. I never got up before sunrise. The moment the rays of the sun entered my room, I was up and awake. Jumping out of my bed, I dressed and went out for horse riding towards the forest with my friends. I used to do swimming and play games till noon. At noontime, I used to come home, eat, drink, chat, laugh and then sleep for some time. In the evening, again I went for horse riding and playing and used to come back at night chirping like a bird.

The river Chenab was at a little distance from our town, but I had my boat there also. My dad was called the monarch of land and water because nobody could raise a head against him.

One day, I went out for hunting. From a distance, I gazed. I imagined it was a panther. Some of my friends said: It is just a stone. One said: It is a deer with musk. Some said: Let us go further and see properly. But I was full of gusto, and I never bothered about anything. I aimed my arrow at the target and shot. Today, when I shot the arrow, it was the first day that I felt something, which I did not know what it was called. Later, I came to know that it was fear. The arrow flew straight and struck the target. The living thing did not get up, just bent down and fell. When we ran and reached there, O God, we found it was not a panther. It was a man. He was a very handsome man the like of whom I had never seen before. He was very young. There were many young people in our army but he was somewhat different. I could judge the difference. He was so good. I felt I aimed my arrow at him but the arrow has pierced me. I felt even my parents were not so good, the playing and hunting was not as good, my friends were not as good as he was.

I used to be a proud girl. My pride went away. I sat down where he was, my head bowed, my hands closed and something that had never happened before, happened today. Tears started flowing from my eyes. The arrow had pierced the body of the handsome man, and blood was coming out of the body. I cried and trembled. With my own hands, I pulled the arrow out, and to stop the blood I pressed the hole that my stupid hands had made.

My friends, on seeing me in such a predicament, which they had never witnessed before, ran towards the palace. I was alone.

Seeing the man in this condition, I could not control my emotions and the tears in my eyes did not stop. I wished that he should open his eyes but I did not want to disturb him, lest he may wake up and feel the pain. In my mind, I wished that his suffering should come to me. His blood should stop. He should get up and look towards me and say: O, girl, as a penalty for this sin, I shall make you my servant all your life.

If my dad did not agree to this proposal, then I shall put my head on his breast and cry and tell my dad: I have become his servant.

In lieu of my sin, I am sold to him. Even if you make me his servant along with all the riches of the kingdom, even then it won't make up for the sin, that I have done. I will feel happy in becoming his servant.

My heart was throbbing and my one hand was caressing his body, as my friends used to caress me. Lot of time passed. My one hand had stopped the blood coming out. With my other hand I was pressing his feet.

Un-intentionally my head touched his feet and my tears that were flowing like a river, washed his feet. At this moment, he heaved a sigh.

I lifted my head and saw that he had opened his eyes. When my eyes met his eyes, I felt a sensation in my entire body. I had never seen such beautiful eyes. I wanted to say to him: O, handsome man, un-intentionally, I shot an arrow that has pierced you. I admit my sin. Here is the arrow. Please get up and pierce the arrow in my chest, and in case you wish to be merciful, then, I shall be your servant all my life. But my throat got choked and I could not utter a word. Whatever my eyes said to him was said. Whatever his eyes understood was understood by him. I had not seen his eyes to my fill that his eyes closed. My hand that was on his feet now touched his face. I cleaned his face of the dirt. I caressed his face with my hand, as my mom used to caress my face with her hands. Like that and with some hesitation again, I caressed his face with my hand, and wished that he should open his eyes again. My wish was fulfilled. His eyes opened and his eyes met my eyes.

My eyes stopped blinking. I got so much pleasure that I had never felt before. I almost swooned.

A little later, I saw his lips moving. I was sure he would say, 'you are my servant'. But the lips uttered something and closed. I now remember what he said. It was 'O Lord'.

At that time I did not understand the meaning of these words.

Now, I tried to open my lips and with difficulty I said: O beloved, what is your order? But before he could reply, his lips and eyes closed.

Meanwhile, my parents and the doctor reached. Today was the first day that my mom and dad did not smile. They were sad on seeing me. My mom just pulled me in her lap. In her hurried pull my hand that was holding the blood was pulled away and the blood, like a jet, came up to my face.

Today was the first day that I pulled myself away from my mom's loving hands and pushed her, and again pressed the blood arteries from where blood was coming out. I wished that my entire blood should go in those arteries and make up for the loss of blood. Then, I should lie down in feebleness, and he should caress my face with his hands as I had done.

The doctor now came and tried to remove my hand, but my hand was not ready to leave. My dad came and hurriedly pulled my hand, and embraced me, and wiped my face with his handkerchief and said: O, daughter of a warrior king, you were never so timid. But it had no effect on me.

I said: Dad, get the blood stopped immediately. I have shot him with my arrow.

There was no strength in my words. My voice was feeble. There was some sort of ignorance in me. My dad became nervous. He ordered the doctor to stitch the wound without delay. The doctor quickly washed the wound, applied cream and other medicines and stitched the wound.

Now, I told my dad: Let us take him to the palace, we will look after him there. Nobody could say no to me.

I took the handsome man in a palanquin to the palace. Nobody could be more handsome than he was. I did not wish to ride the horse. I wished that I should go with the palanquin and keep on looking at his handsome face all the time. He should not be away from my eyes even for a moment, but my dad forced me to go on the horse. We reached the palace. I made him stay in my bedroom. My mom took me aside and said: Who is he? Since when do you know him? How have you fallen in love with him? O, so much love.

I cried and said: Mom, I have never met him before. When I shot the arrow, I did not know that a person, who would be more handsome than anyone else, was sitting there. I aimed imagining that it was a panther and I planned to spread the panther's skin in the dad's chariot. But when I shot the arrow, something did happen to me, but what you call is love I do not know what it is.

Mom said laughingly: Love is what we do to you.

I said: That may be love, but when I did not know him, how could I love him?

Mom, realizing my ignorance, laughed and said: The way you are treating him is to love him.

I said: I have not loved him. I just pressed his artery, pressed his feet and cleaned his face of the dirt. I have not loved him. He doesn't speak even. I like him very much. I have never met a person better than him.

Mom asked: Do you like him more than you like me or you like your dad?

I said: Yes mom, I like him much more than I like you. You have not seen how handsome he is? Mom, have you ever seen such a handsome man? He is different from everyone. I have done a great sin that I have given him so much suffering. Isn't it sin? The pandit, one day said, it was a sin, and I left the place saying that the pandit is talking like cowards. Now, I remember it was this sin that I have done today. I am ready to pay back for my sin. If he shoots me with an arrow, I shall put my breast forward, and if he keeps me as a servant, I shall serve him for my entire life. Don't stop me.

Mom listened to me. First she smiled. Then, she wept. I had never seen tears in my mom's eyes. When we hit the servants, they used to cry. I knew we are the masters and warriors and we do not have thin blood in us. But today, I myself had cried. I thought I have committed a sin and the pandit had said that a sin makes you low. So, I have become low. But mom has not sinned, why did she cry?

Meanwhile, mom said: Your dad has killed many people in battles. Maybe you become the ruler of the kingdom. Around our kingdom are some enemy kingdoms, and if you are not brave and a warrior, then how will you rule the kingdom? What has happened is bad, but why bother if a lowly person dies, let him die.

Listening to these words, I screamed. I cried like a small child. Mom put me in her lap but I could not stop crying.

I said: Mom, what has happened to your eyes? He is the most handsome man. That's why I like him. You call him a lowly person. You say 'what if he dies'. Mom, if he dies, then the same arrow with which I shot at the most handsome man, I will pierce into my heart and I will not be there to be in your lap or the embrace of my dad. Mom, what has happened to you? Previously, always, whatever I liked you bought it with love and used to like it also. Now, to the man whom I like most, you say he is lowly. You say 'what if he dies'. Mom, you call the doctor, he should see that my sight has not gone bad, or your sight has not gone bad. Mom, put your hand on my heart. It is

throbbing fast. When you say, he is good and you like him and we will look after him, then the throbbing comes down, otherwise this fast throbbing is going into my head, and I cannot hold my tears. See, you can fill a double palm full. Now, mom you tell me what should I do?

Seeing me in this state of mind, Mom said: He is good. I like him. When you like him, why should I dislike him? I said iowly' because he is not a rich man. He must be a worker type. If he dies, you should not feel sorry for him.

I said: Mom, his clothes are not very fine but his forehead is broad, round and shining. If dad gives him some land and cattle, he will have fine clothes also. Mom, if you see his eyes when he opens, you will say, he is an army major from Lahore.

Mom said: You tell me what you want?

I said: He should stay with me. Doctor should wait outside. I shall look after him. Doctor should treat him. He should get all right. Then, I will tell him: O, most handsome man, I have sinned in shooting an arrow at you. You give me whatever punishment you want to give.

I don't know what came to my mom's mind. She said: There are plenty of servants, but if you wish to look after him, it is O. K. The doctor will stay near.

Accordingly, the doctor stayed near, and I looked after him. As my maids were at my service, I was at his service. My own bed was very soft. I put him on my bed and myself was sitting near him waving the fan and looking at his face, waiting for his eyes to open, so that I may see his eyes, and his lips to open, so that I listen 'O, Lord'.

On the third day, around midnight his lips moved. He heaved a sigh, and he uttered, "O, Great Guru Nanak Dev" and his eyes opened. O, Lord! The opening of his eyes were, as if light had come to me from darkness.

I was delighted to see his eyes open and I said: O handsome, most handsome gentleman I have committed a sin.

His eyes saw me and then closed, but his lips moved, and he said: Where am I? I put my mouth near his ear and related to him the entire incident. I also told him what I wanted to say, but then his eyes did not open nor his lips moved.

On the fourth day, early in the morning he uttered: 'Do good deeds, remember the Lord, recite His name. Thus reciting His name, be victorious over sex, anger, greed, sentiment, and pride9.

But I did not understand the meaning properly. I thought he has said, that what you did was not good. You should not have done it. Before shooting the arrow you should have checked properly. I was waiting that now he will say: I make you my servant as a punishment of your sin. But he opened his eyes and his lips moved and said: You have done a great service to me. It is because of my bad deeds, that the arrow pierced my body. You are too good. You have done service to me. I wish you good luck. After this, he went to sleep.

Then, I went to my mom, embraced her and said: Look mom, how good he is. He says: The arrow was the result of my bad deeds. You are all goodness that you are doing service to me. See, he, who has praise even for a sinner, how good he is? I told you I like him more than my dad. My dad will never forgive a sinner. He will only execute a sinner. But this handsome man says: You are all goodness.

Mom laughed and said: Today, go and play with your friends.

I said: I don't like to leave him. Even when I am sitting with you, my mind is yearning to go back to the room and sit with him.

Days passed by, and it seemed that the handsome man is getting well.

One day, in the evening, he opened his eyes and called me and said: Look, you have done service to a stranger, despite the fact that you are the daughter of a king. I am a poor person. What can I give you? But I tell you one thing that will give you happiness. You try to understand it properly. That is, that you are not a body, you are a soul.

I said: What is a soul? But his lips did not move.

The next evening again, he said: You are a soul. You are separate from the body. You are higher than the body. Even if the body is not there, you will still be there. If you were the body only, then you could eat, drink and be merry, but you are a soul. Try to understand yourself. Try to see the soul in others. The body and the riches are the veils that do not let you see your own soul. You cut these veils and see your soul. You are very high. As you are getting comfort from others, you should also give comfort to others.

I got scared. I saw darkness. I was astonished.

I said: I do not understand what you have said, that I am a soul, that I won't die when my body dies, that I have to give comfort to others. O, is it really true? If it is true, then don't say more. I feel depressed. I should remain as a body, and be at the service of your body and die in this service and then nothing further. I don't want to be anything else.

He said: O simple and innocent girl, you are not for walking on the earth. You are meant to fly in heaven like birds. You are not bones, blood and meat. You are a light, a flame. You are not just for playing and laughing. You are joy incarnate. You are godly.

I got scared, and I closed my eyes.

I said: O beloved, I get afraid like cowards. I get lost when I listen to such things. Don't say that I am a soul.

Again, he said: O good girl, you are doing so much service to me, I must tell you, you are a soul. You have no greed in you. You are not who would beg for anything. You are a giver. You love everybody. You are without desires. See yourself as a soul.

Now, I really got afraid. I sat down. I thought I should close my ears, so that I may not get mad listening to more such things. But how could I close my ears to my beloved's voice?

I said: O beloved, don't say anything more. I don't want to be a soul. You save me from the fear that I get, when I think of the soul.

But again, he said: You are a soul. Like, you are not a bow, you are not an arrow, but you are the shooter of an arrow. Like, you are not food you are the eater of food. You are not the body, but you are the mistress of your body. You are not the mind, but the mistress of your mind. Don't you say, 'my mind is happy, my mind is sad'? So, you are not the mind, you are the mistress of your mind. O beauty, you are not beautiful, but you are beauty incarnate. You are not sunshine. You are the sun. You are not moonlight. You are the moon. Similarly, you are not the body. You are the soul.

I listened to all this helplessly. I felt giddy, and became un-conscious and fell at his feet.

After a long time, when I got up I was trembling. I thought this soul was a burden on me, and it will be difficult for me to bear this burden. But since the beloved had said all this, there must be something good in it. But still I felt afraid. Till now, I was making merry and living a happy and luxurious life. Are all these pleasures not mine? Oh! My heart sinks. The deer in the forest, the flowing streams, the circle of friends, the horses, the bows and arrows, waiting dad, people bowing down to me, the whole world. Is this all for my body? When I am not the body, then, all these things that my body likes not mine? Are they superficial? Oh! Lord, if I am a soul, then I am alone. Loneliness came to the forefront in my mind. I was always so busy in the pleasures of the world that I did not know there was anything else beyond.

After listening to the handsome man, loneliness surrounded my mind. The thought of loneliness scared me. I could not see anything. My heart throbbed. I felt horrified. I cried and wailed. I should not be a soul. The more I felt frightened the lonelier I felt. I was at a breaking point.

After a long time my eyes opened. I wanted to get up but how could I?

My legs that were used to running around all the time forgot to move. My arms that could shoot a lion forgot to move. It came to my mind then, that I have shot at the handsome man and have sinned. He has given me a punishment. He has made me alone. Now, I will be in suffering all the time, since I am alone. Nobody is mine, and I am alone. From now onwards, I will keep on crying, and spend my life alone. How will I pass my days? How will I pass my nights? When nobody is mine, how will I get comfort from anyone?

Again he says, give comfort to others and not to get comfort from others. What impossible he talks. When the body is not mine, then what can I give to anyone? When one has something, then only one shares with others. When I do not have anything, what will I share with others?

At this moment, I saw darkness in my eyes, and everything vanished. I was alone in the darkness. I got so much scared that the whole palace resounded with the echo of my shrieks. My mom came running and put me in her lap.

She kissed my forehead, wiped my eyes, loved me, but still my heart did not stop throbbing. My mom could listen to the throbbing of my heart. My mom washed my face, made me drink water and asked: What has happened?

I opened my eyes and said: Mom, you leave me. You are not mine, and I am not to get comfort from you.

Mom asked: Why?

I told her: I am not a body. I am a soul and therefore I am alone. I am scared of this loneliness. This loneliness will eat me up. Mom, you go and sleep. The handsome man has given me punishment. I am scared of this loneliness. This is eating me up. You go. I will tell the handsome man to pierce the arrow in my body. I am prepared to die like this, but becoming a soul and being killed by loneliness is a great suffering that I cannot bear.

On hearing this, my mom got furious. She said: This man is frightening my daughter, and will kill her by frightening her. I will get him buried in the cemetery in no time.

On listening to my mom, I fell at her feet and said: Mom, don't sin any more. I have sinned and 1 shall bear the consequences. This is what the pandit used to tell. Then, why you want to make him suffer more? I have already

made him suffer and I have got the fruit of my sin. You go and rest. Mom would not go. Finally, I told her that if you do any harm to this man, then 'I will pierce the arrow in my body and die'. Then only, my mom went, but in anger.

Now, I was sitting and thinking: I am a soul and alone. Then, I remembered that the beloved had also said something more. He had said: You are high.

The mountain peak is high, but that also is alone. The clouds are high, but they also are alone. The sun is high, but it is also alone. If I am high, even then I am alone. O, what should I do? I am scared of this loneliness.

He had said: You are a soul. You are not sentimental.

That is why I have made my mom angry.

He had said: You are without wants. Be without wants and be without desires.

But I require food. How can I remain without wanting food? If nobody is mine, then from where shall I get food? Please, somebody come to my rescue. I should not be a soul. I will give comfort to others. I will cook my own food. I will draw water from the well myself. I will spread my bed myself. I will wash my clothes myself. But how will I do all these things when I am not a body? These are the jobs of the body.

I am a soul separated from everyone. Separated from my body. I am alone. This loneliness will eat me up, and I will die.

My mind was drowning in these thoughts, that the handsome man opened his eyes and smiled. With a smile on his lips, he saw towards me. A life came to me. My loneliness vanished, and I felt happy. I went near him with folded hands.

He said: You are a soul but loneliness won't scare you.

I said: O, beloved, say I am not a soul. This punishment, I cannot bear. You make me your servant and say, 'You are my servant, stay with me and serve me'. I will do that, or you pierce the arrow in my heart, I shall bear it happily and die, but don't tell me that I am a soul.

He closed his eyes. After a while, he opened his eyes and said: You are not alone. The Lord is with you.

I cried and said: You stay with me. I don't require anybody else. You are the most beloved person. There is no one more beloved than you. I do not want that I am a soul and Lord is with me.

He said: I am a soul and Lord is with me. You are a soul and Lord is with

you.

Again, he said: Lord is with you always. You cannot see Him but he sees you. When you are sleeping, He is awake. Whatever you think, He knows. But you don't see Him nor you know Him.

I got further scared. I said to myself: Somebody lives with me hidden, and sees all what I do. He is not visible but He sees everything. In this way, He is near but as if not near. Ah! Somehow, I should not be a soul.

If He is watching, knowing and listening to everything, then I shall be hesitant always. I shall have to think before talking and what shall I do while thinking? I shall get drowned.

Again, I told him: O beloved, I have sinned. You punish me but not to this extent.

But his eyes were closed and they did not open the whole day, and I was fearing, thinking, my mind fluctuating, but I kept on sitting with him.

Dad came. I ran and clung to him. He was a bit sad. He became sadder after seeing my face. He tried to embrace me. I was a bit hesitant but he hurriedly pressed my head to his chest and he put his hand on my head. I started crying loudly and tears fell on his chest.

He said: I can free you from your suffering, but for your love for him, I cannot do anything.

I did not speak. I was feeling good. I was happy. I remembered that I have to give comfort and not get comfort but I was so scared that I could not leave getting support from dad. I felt satisfied, that dad has come to take me out of my loneliness.

When I told him my suffering, he laughed and said: It is your simplicity and innocence that has become your enemy. I have brought you up in simplicity. You do not know anything about the world or religion. You should have more awareness. From whatever he has told you, it appears he is a saint and he is not wishing to take revenge. Whatever good he knows, he has told you.

You are very simple. One day the pandit talked about piousness and sin and you ran away saying: He is spoiling my mind. Now that this man has said, 'You are a soul', you are frightened beyond limit. These are the theories of people who haven't much work to do. They keep themselves busy in this way. You are simple. Whatever you listen, gets into your mind. Your mind is madly influenced by such talk. Be brave, you are the daughter of a warrior king. You have to be brave. Tomorrow, we are going for lion hunting. You also come. You will feel delighted.

I could not give him any reply. But I got lot of support from him. Dad went away after some time.

It was night. I just lay down and went to sleep. I used to hear about dreams but I had never experienced any myself.

Today was the first day I had a dream. Generally, when I slept, I knew only of putting my head on the pillow at night and raising my head from the pillow in the morning. But today when I slept, I reached a hilly area, where there were stones and stones, some big, some small.

Soon, water came and said to the stones: O stones, you have life in you. You are not lifeless.

I was astonished to hear the water speaking and the stones listening but it was actually happening like that. So, I became eager to listen and became more attentive and went near to listen.

The big and small stones said: O water, we are happy as we are. You move forward.

The water said: Listen, O simpletons, you have life in you. I will take you to a place where you will yourself say 'We are alive'.

The stones replied: O, water, you move forward today. We shall think over and let you know tomorrow.

The water moved forward. Next morning, the stones had a meeting.

The big stones said: We are very comfortably lying here. This water seems to be selfish. This water will trouble us. Previously, we were on the high mountains, something like water and whiter, called ice, had come and said: Come, ride on my shoulders, I shall take you for an outing.

She threw us here and then vanished. We have big hearts that we are not dead otherwise this heat would have finished us. We never had this hot sun on the high mountains. This water will again throw us somewhere.

Some others said: O, this water is dangerous. We were at times big rocks and mountains. This water used to get into our open spaces and holes, then freeze and expand, break us into small pieces, then carried us in its flow and threw us here.

Some stones said: Water is cool and doesn't appear to be greedy. They say water can go up in the sky, and deep into the earth. This water gives comfort to everybody. This water shall be good to us. Let us do as the water says. Let us become alive. We should leave this darkness of ages. Let us see what is life. Let us go with this water.

So, there were two factions. The big ones got angry but the small ones got ready to go.

Next day, when the water came whistling, the big stones said: We don't want you.

But the small stones said: 'Yes'.

The small stones came along with the water. The water did not mind.

It said to the big stones: 'All right. See you next time'.

But, it carried along the small stones. When the water started moving, the small stones started rubbing against each other and became smaller and smaller. They repented, why they did not act on the advice of the big stones.

The water made them so small that they became a part of the water. It could not be judged whether it was water alone, or it was mixed with small particles of stone and earth.

Now, the water reached a field and entered the ground. Here, were lying seeds of different types in the ground.

Water said to them: O Seeds, you are in meditation. I have brought disciples. They want to join you.

The seeds said: O water, we are in meditation and in peace. Don't disturb us.

The water prayed to them again and again.

The seeds that were lying in peace inside the hard outer body said: All right, we will let you know tomorrow.

So, the water stood in waiting. At night the inner seeds had a meeting.

Those that were hard said: We are in peace. We do not want any body.

But those who were soft said: It was lucky that somebody came to offer something. We should have immediately said 'yes'. We have done a mistake in putting them off.

When, they were having a discussion, a part of the air that was inside the earth, said to the inner seeds: O seeds, "The outer part is your cover only. If you say, I shall take you out of the earth and then you will see how you wave in the open. The disciples that have come to you let them join you. They will come out with you and see themselves alive. With them you will get into a higher life".

Next day, when the water came, they accepted the disciples. Some fought with anger and became dead. Some jumped outside. The sun's rays killed them. Some went so deep down that they could not come up. But those who listened to the air came out of the hard covering. They grew roots at the

bottom and branches and leaves on the top. They started drawing food from the earth and oxygen from the open air.

They said: The air, like a guru, was right in telling us that we are alive.

This beauty, pleasure, ecstasy, rapture, we would never have seen, if we had not come out of the earth. It is correct we are alive.

Now, while in the branches, leaves, flowers, fruits, those particles, which had come with the water, recollected the time, that they were lying almost dead, when the water brought them down. They said: Water has loved us like a father. He brought us all the way, and mixed us with itself, and then made us join the seeds. Now, we are growing and waving, and are happy and in ecstasy.

What I saw now, was, that all these branches and leaves and flowers started crying: We are going to die.

Then, a voice came and said: No, you are not going to die. You will go into a higher life.

But they did not understand and were scared. At this time, many men and animals came, and started eating. Somebody ate the leaves, somebody ate the branches, someone ate the fruits, and so on. Now, the particles became a part of their body. When they were plants, they were standing fixed at one place, now they started walking and running, they started talking, they started seeing. They all had life in them.

Man says that he has life in him, but I now see, that every particle in his body has life in it.

Now only, I gained knowledge, that the earth that I thought was dead is all life. No particle is non-living.

At this moment, I heard somebody saying: O, simple girl, as you thought that the earth particles were lifeless this was one end. On the other end is all life. In between is the way that takes you from lifelessness to real life. Where you are sitting, is a place in the middle.

You have come here from the lifeless end and you have to purify your inner self and reach the other end that is all life but you do not understand the same.

I said: I understand that I am living but I do not understand that my body has also life in it.

The voice said: You are a soul. The body is not the soul, but the body is not lifeless. It has life in it. But the life in the particles of the body is of a lower grade, and it appears as lifeless.

Somebody again said: The sun is all light, but on earth it is less. Again, the light is less in a shade than in an open space and in a closed room it is still less. In a closed room, you will say, it is dark but I say there is light in the closed room but very little. It is not darkness but a very little light.

This is how you are a soul that has life, but in comparison to your soul your body is lifeless, but actually, even the body has life although it is of a very low type.

Next morning when I got up, my beloved's eyes were open. I went near and I held his hands in my hands and said: Am I really a soul?

He smiled and said: Yes, you are a soul. You also have an intellectual mind. You also have an intuitive mind.

Again he said: Be ready, you shot an arrow, it killed a body. Now, an arrow will be shot at you. That will make you a soul from the body.

I could not understand what he meant.

After some time, again he said: You are not to cry, the body cries, the outer mind cries, but the intellectual mind does not cry. The intuitive mind does not cry. The soul does not cry. You do not cry.

I said: I never cried earlier, I never had tears in my eyes. I cried only when I shot at you or now again I have cried when you said, I am not the body, I am something else.

He said: Becoming something else has not made you cry. You were crying because of the fear of separation of your body. Now that fear is gone. Now, you do not cry.

Again he said: But you are going to cry. But don't get lost in crying. I am going to leave this world shortly. You live happily.

The moment he said this, my eyes were full of tears. My heart broke down. It was darkness for me. The pride, that I was higher than the body vanished.

I held both hands of the beloved and said: Please don't go, and if you must, then take me along.

He said: My body is not going, it will remain here, but I will go. The doctors have tried their best. You have done so much in caring for me, that I cannot repay you, but I cannot live more. Don't feel sorry if any pandit tells you that you have sinned and I shall take revenge. Whatever happened, it happened unknowingly. If, still you cannot wash your mind of the sin, then I say T forgive your sin'. So, you should be fearless. What I have told you that you are a soul please do remember. But remembering this is a bit difficult.

Now again, I started crying and wailing. Without seeing the beloved, I could not stay even for a minute. There was so much comfort in serving him. His attraction kept me tied. His goodness had made me forget all other pleasures like playing, entertainments and merriments.

He says, 'I am going to die'. The doctor says, 'He is alright now'. He says, 'I am going to die'. But the doctor is like everybody. He knows nothing. What the beloved says has to be correct.

I said: Oh! I will die also. I shall pierce the same arrow in my heart and jump in the pyre.

He kept quiet. Closed his eyes, then opened his eyes and said: You are a soul. Don't pierce the arrow in your heart and don't jump in the pyre. If you do that, then you won't come to, where I am going. But if you do as I say, then when you die, you will come to where I am going.

I cried and said: How will I come? My playing and my merriments have spoiled me. Why did you not meet me before my arrow left the bow?

He said: There is another man, who is the master of all men, who is the most beloved in the world. I love him. If you do one thing that I tell you to do, then he will come to you. He loves me very much. He will love you also and he will make you see your soul truly. Whatever, I have said, he will fulfill. He is my master. I am his servant. He is my father. I am his servant son. You have done so much service for me. Because of his love for me, he will come to you. You have loved me. He will reward you for that. Reward that even the rich kings do not have.

I said: Who can be more beloved than you? But, since you say he is the most beloved person, I agree, he must be. You say that he loves you. I have come to love him too. But you give me his address. I shall run to him and beseech him, saying, "You are the beloved of my beloved. Please save the body of my beloved. For whatever sin I have done, it will be forgiven by my serving him for the rest of my life, and not leaving him even for a moment. I love him immensely. You love him immensely also. I do not wish that he should die. How can you see him dying? You, who can see the soul as separate from the body, can also save the body. Please come and save him, who is the beloved of both of us".

Listening to my simple and eager wish, my beloved laughed and said: O simple girl, there is somebody else who is his beloved who has never come to this world in human form, who is the creator and savior of the entire universe.

His wish is that I should be sent. He is happy in the wish of his beloved, and I am happy in the wish of my beloved. If you have true love for me, then you should be happy in my wish.

I said: Are you happy to die?

He replied: Knowing that it is the wish of my beloved, I am happy. I said to my mind: O, Lord, that is why, he is so handsome. Everybody on earth is afraid of death. He is happy to die.

I said to him: Why are you not afraid of death?

He replied: Nothing dies. The body goes to the earth. The soul, that I am, will enjoy in the palace of the Lord. I have to go and lay myself at the feet of the Lord. That is why, I don't cry. I am happy.

For you, my beloved will come and meet you. You also don't cry. Remain happy. If you cry, I won't be happy with you.

When I listened to this, I was scared and I trembled.

I asked him: Shall I have the same feeling for your beloved as I have for you?

He said: Whatever feeling of love you have for me is because of my beloved in my heart, who is all love, for which reason you have the feeling of love in me. You will feel that he is your beloved. He is all love. He will love you.

But he will come and meet you if you do one thing day and night.

I said: What is that?

He said: "While strolling and walking While sitting and standing Keep on reciting O Lord, O Lord".

He said this and his lips closed. He closed his eyes.

After a moment, he uttered, 'O Lord', 'O Lord' several times.

His eyes opened in a wondrous style and closed.

It was morning now. Mom came and said: Daughter, he has died.

I cried and screamed. But I felt somebody telling me in my ears: If you cry, I won't be happy.

I felt a fear and stopped crying as if he hadn't died. I remembered, that 'my Beloved's beloved will come'. Again, I remembered that 'he will come if I recite 'O Lord', *0 Lord' day and night'.

So, I was quiet and I started reciting, 'O Lord', 'O Lord.'

My heart throbbed, my hand went for the arrow, but then I remembered the words of my beloved and used to call my Beloved's beloved by reciting 'O Lord', 'O Lord'.

In this way, in sadness and suffering and in eagerness to obey him, and with a burning heart, the body of my beloved was cremated.

At that moment, we could not know from which place and state he had come, why he had come, and who were the blessed parents whose son he was.

Ill

My mom and dad had a lot of apprehension that our daughter might die in extreme sadness of the death of her beloved. They were astonished to see my forbearance and were happy.

Days passed by, but my playing, my merriments never returned. My mind did not go for them. My dad tried his best but to no avail. I did not cry but the merriments that were a haven in my parents' palace stopped.

My parents did not tell me anything, fearing that I may feel hurt.

Sometimes I used to laugh and embrace my dad, or go and sit in my mom's lap, but the pleasures, thrills, boisterousness and merriments became dreams of the past. My eyes, all the time, saw the face of my beloved and my tongue was reciting 'O Lord' 'O Lord' and I was calling his beloved and I was always in the hope that my Beloved's beloved will come.

I did not like to stay indoors in the palace. I asked my dad to construct a room where I could go and feel better. Dad was happy that 'I will feel nice'.

He said; Wherever you want it shall be done.

I did not require much searching. Where the beloved had sat in meditation, and his blood had gone, I selected that place. Dad wanted to construct a big room but I declined. I said, just repair the existing fallen structure and make it new. So the needful was done. Now, this was my mini-hermitage. A few hours in the morning, and a few hours in the evening, I was coming here and reciting 'O Lord', 'O Lord'.

One day, in the afternoon, when I reached the palace and lay down to relax after lunch, I closed my eyes and saw my beloved within and was calling my Beloved's beloved. My mom thought that I was asleep.

She said to my dad: Our daughter is adult now. Why not marry her? She will get engrossed in her family life. Her lonesomeness will go away.

Dad pondered and said: I feel so, but I am afraid if she does not get engrossed in family life, it will be embarrassing for us all. In any case, I will discuss the matter with my minister and pandit.

When my dad left, I got up and sat in the lap of my mom and said: Mom, what you have told to dad, I have listened, I was not asleep. What you have suggested is for my good only, and I cannot be disobedient to you, but it will become more of a pain to me. Now, I am somewhat happy. I do not play but I do not cry and wail also. Sometimes there is a sensation of rapture in me that fills my body with ecstasy. I feel light and cool. At that time my mind does not wander. It concentrates, and I wish that I should remain in this state. This type of rapture, I get sometimes. After such rapture, I don't feel sad, even while walking and talking. If you marry me, this rapture will go, and I cannot be my old self again. I will be more in pain. The peace of mind that I get now, comes from inside only, and I do not require a support for this. Sometimes, I feel that this rapture itself is the soul. My beloved had said, 'you are a soul. You are not the body'. I am not absolutely sure, but many a time, inside myself, without any outward support, I feel a cool rapture. My loving mom, if you wish to look to my comfort then don't entangle me in marriage. I may not say 'No', but I won't be able to keep myself happy.

Mom listened and said: You may be right but you must give a serious thought to it. You are an adult now. When you were young, you spent all the time in playing and enjoying. Now, you have become adult. Now you are spending all the time in lonesomeness. You are still in lonesomeness, and now the times are such that we cannot take things casually. We are getting into old age, and we don't have any other child excepting you. Around our kingdom are enemies. If there is nobody from our family to be strong, to keep control over the enemies, then our enemies will take our kingdom, and we will lose whatever we have. To solve this predicament, the only thing we can think of, is to marry you to a brave warrior prince, so that we are satisfied, that we have our children to rule our kingdom. We will then die in peace.

There is another fear also. The minister and the pandit are now suggesting to your dad for another marriage. Then, there will be heir to our kingdom.

Your dad realizes that if he has another marriage, then, I will feel sad, and feeling my sadness, you will also feel sad. So, he has not listened to any such suggestion so far. But one cannot say for how long he won't listen to such a suggestion. When the ministers and pandits flatter the king, it turns the king's mind. Many kings have been doing wrong things, under the influence of the flattery of ministers.

I said: Does anybody eat poison when he sees it?

Mom said: Darling, nobody eats poison like that. It is eaten, thinking that

it is a sweetmeat. Similar is the case with kings. If the king realizes that the ministers are flattering and deceiving, then the king won't get caught. But they get caught in wrong doing, when they think that the flattery is true. This generally happens in kingdoms. You must realize, what will happen when the ministers flatter the king day-in and day-out. I do not wish to put you in discomfort but there is no hope of comfort on that account.

When I listened to all this, I started thinking. But since childhood I was not used to much thinking. Whatever came to my mind was just thought and talked over. In the same habit, I just thought and said to my mom: If a baby brother comes, then the dad's ministers won't have anything to suggest to dad.

Mom laughed and said: Well, it is like that. But it is in nobody's hand. We have been waiting and waiting for your brother, and so much time has passed. It appears that the pleasure of having a son is not written on our forehead. So, our wish has not been fulfilled.

I said: Mom, don't get disheartened. My inside, that gives me rapture at times, says that my Beloved's beloved is very powerful. Although, I have not met him, but I feel he is quite near to me. I have not forgotten him since.

I have a wavy sensation in my body, and I feel that he knows that I remember him always. If I tell him to give me a brother, I don't know why, but my heart says that he will listen to me and also give me a brother.

Mom listened and laughed and said: Previously, you were carefree, now you have become superstitious.

I cried, and again embraced my mom and said: If my brother comes, then you won't remain sad?

Mom replied: Well, I shall be happy, but for you to live this type of life is not desirable.

I said: Mom, don't bother about my pleasures. I have my faith in the Lord. I am sure my Beloved's beloved will remove your worry. I don't have any wisdom, but my heart says it will happen.

After, all this talk, I went to my hermitage. It was now three years since my beloved had left for his heavenly abode. I always saw his face in my mind, and I never forgot my Beloved's beloved. When I was in my hermitage, forgetting the name that he had asked me to recite was out of question.

Sometimes, I felt as if all my body cells have got tongues and are reciting 'O Lord'. One day, I felt a Ughtning. I opened my eyes to see. I felt even the branches and leaves of trees are reciting the name 'O Lord'. Wherever I saw, everything was reciting the name 'O Lord'. There was rapture in this feeling

and I could not see anything else. I got immersed in this ecstasy. For a long time, I was in this rapture as if I was unconscious. Slowly, I regained consciousness. But from that day onwards my body cells did not leave the recitation of the name 'O Lord' even for a moment.

I said to my mind: When remembering my beloved's beloved is so rapturous, meeting him will be beyond rapture.

One day, I was in rapture while reciting the name 'O Lord'. I did not understand from where this rapture came. I thought of my mom's talk.

I wished and prayed: O, my Beloved's beloved, I feel so delighted in reciting the name 'O Lord'. It is your grace, that I can see the plants and flowers reciting the Name. Please send my brother so that my mom is delighted.

I do not know, but I had full faith that my Beloved's beloved has listened to my prayer and said, "Yes".

That day, I ran home. My dad was standing in the verandah. I embraced him, and whispered in his ears: Dad dear, my brother is coming.

Dad looked at me and said: Darling, which brother?

I said: Who will play in your lap and make you delighted.

Listening to this, he thought, I was talking something in mistaken belief, and he took me inside. Mom was inside. I embraced my mom and said: Mom, my brother is coming.

She looked at me with astonishment. My dad laughed. But as per my nature, I danced and said: Look, my brother is coming. You will see, what I have said will be true. My Beloved's beloved has said 'yes' to me.

My parents felt some astonishment and some amusement but I was happy.

The recitation of the Name became incessant, but now there was another wonderful thing. I felt that my Beloved's beloved is always close to me. Sometimes, I got startled. O, there he has come. Sometimes, I felt he is standing behind me. Sometimes I felt he is sitting on my head. I cannot see, but he is with me. I felt as if he loves me. Previously, I used to tremble with the thought that I have shot his beloved. Now, I feel he loves me. But these thoughts did not influence my mind as such. My feeling of rapture became strong. I got a firm faith that my Beloved's beloved is really living somewhere, and what my beloved had said was true. I became sure that my Beloved's beloved is there, and the feeling that he is near me is a genuine feeling. When my body cells are remembering him, and the trees, plants, and everything is remembering him, then he can be near me also, although I cannot see him. Then, I could feel that he loves me. I could feel the fragrance in his love. One day, my mind

said, that as I live in this hermitage, he is living in my heart. Well, time passed by in his remembrance. Sometimes, I felt happy. Sometimes, I had tears in my eyes. Remembrance of the name 'O Lord' became my nature.

Like this, a year passed. I got a brother. The arrival of my brother changed the minds of my parents, who had earlier thought that I was living in a mistaken belief. Now they started thinking differently for me.

My dad, one day said: Our daughter has become a saint. We should respect her.

But I did not like their showing respect to me. I told them to treat me the same way as before.

My infant brother was very handsome and his eyes were just like the eyes of my beloved whom I had shot. I used to play with my infant brother very often. Many a time, I used to bring him to this hermitage, and laying him down, I used to keep on looking at his eyes and say: This was the place, where my stupid hands had shot and I saw these eyes. Now, I can see the same eyes playing and laughing again.

I said: Are you the same eyes that got closed by my shot and have opened again on my prayers, or like those eyes? Whatever, now you are laughing and playing, and giving pleasure to me. O eyes, I adore your love.

The arrival of my brother brought another good thing. Before the arrival of my brother, my parents were not happy about my being in love with somebody not seen and not met before. They thought that my beloved was an ordinary sadhu and his beloved would also be an ordinary sadhu. They thought I was in a mistaken belief, and they wanted me to get out of it. But they never used to tell me because they did not want to force me to do anything. Since, they loved me very much, they did not want to do anything that would hurt me. Otherwise, they would have stopped me with rods, from what they thought was a mistaken belief.

Now, that there was a change of mind in them, they also started loving my beloved's beloved and they also became eager to meet him. They were now sure, that I was in love of a Supreme power.

They now realized, and thought: She is not mad. Even if she says something laughingly, it happens. Her utterance has strength. Although she had said laughingly, that her brother is coming, her brother has actually come.

When I saw in them the love of my Beloved's beloved, then I also started loving them more.

I was now spending more time in the palace, sometimes with my mom and sometimes with my brother.

Now, another thing happened. Remembrance of my Beloved's beloved went into my heart, as a creeper clings to a plant. Whether I was laughing or playing, whether I tried to remember the Lord or not, the remembrance became automatic. It was not that I could remember the Lord only while sitting in the hermitage, but whatever I may be doing, the remembrance was constant. Even sleep could not make me forget. Now I was not reciting the Name, but the Name did not leave me. This happening gave me an added pleasure.

One day, mom said: Darling, if your Beloved's beloved visits our kingdom, we shall also become enlightened. Your beloved was really some saint. We could not judge his saintliness. We were even trying to stop you from remembering him. But now we realize that we were in the wrong. Now we wish that we meet your Beloved's beloved and ask him to pardon us.

Thus, my parents instead of going against me turned towards me. Now, in our palace every one was eager to meet my Beloved's beloved.

One day, I told my mom that when our beloved is out of station, we do not forget him. We always remember him. So, if you remember him always, there is a lot of pleasure in the remembrance even. This thing got into the minds of my parents and my mom and dad started remembering and reciting the name 'O Lord' day-in and day-out.

Another year or more passed. My mind was tranquil now. Sometimes I used to sing, sometimes I was happy and sometimes I had tears of love. This hermitage was my place to relax, and I used to come here morning and evening without fail. Now, mom and dad also started coming here sometimes.

One day, when I came early in the morning, I could listen from a distance, somebody singing. I thought my ears are singing or the stones and trees are singing but when I listened attentively, I found it very rapturous and full of a magnetic pull. I was coming immersed in the Lord's name, and I had tears in my eyes, remembering my beloved. This music made me still. I sat down, there only.

It was not music. It was a knife to kill. It was not music. It was nectar to give life. O, what rapture it was? It gave ecstasy to my mind. I kept sitting and listening with devotion. I wished that it should not stop, but eventually it did stop. I had tears of love. In my mind, I could see my beloved's face and I was beseeching him to request his beloved to meet us.

In this devotion, I was crying, and the longing to meet the beloved's beloved was becoming more and more intense, when, I saw a tall and thin gentleman coming this side. I thought, maybe my Beloved's beloved has come, but when I saw attentively, I felt that his eyes were similar to those of my beloved, and he was good also, but I did not get a strong pull.

He came near and asked: O, good lady living in this forest, is any saint living here? I said: No.

He again asked: Has any saint come here recently? I said: No.

Again he said: Is it the same forest where the daughter of the king shot a traveler unknowingly thinking it to be a panther?

In a sad tone, I said: Yes, this is the same forest.

He just said: 'What a wonder' and started walking.

I said: Wait, listen something.

But he did not stop and quickly went away.

I went to my hermitage. The moment I sat down, I got concentration.

I had the remembrance in my heart, but now my longing to meet became more intense. I had a different type of rapture. I felt that my Beloved's beloved is very near me. I felt he loved me immensely and I felt a fragrance.

I desired that he should come, and I should fall at his feet, and he should say, "Daughter, I have come".

I sat till lunchtime. Tears were coming even in my closed eyes. Thus crying, when I got up to go to the palace, again I saw the same gentleman.

I said: O respectable gentleman, come with me, have food and water, have rest, and let me know whom you are looking for. Maybe, I can be of help to you.

But he had tears in his eyes and was saying: Sister never forgets you, sister never forgets you.

He did not listen to me. He remained absorbed in his own thought.

When I reached the palace, here mom was crying.

I went near her and asked her: Mom, why are you crying?

She said: Darling I have got faith now. My heart is throbbing. When will your Beloved's beloved come? Seeing me sad, your dad also is longing to meet.

Today, he had tears in his eyes when he went. See, how your brother's eyes are looking eagerly.

My brother raised his arms when he saw me. I picked him up and asked him: O, brother, you only tell, when will he come, he who has sent you here?

My infant brother looked up, smiled and then cried.

I said to my mind: O, what is there today? I have been crying since morning, my mom has been crying, my dad went crying and now my infant brother is also crying.

Automatically, a song came to me. I sang a song:

"For you, my eyes are longing

O beloved, when will you come?

For you, my eyes are longing

0 beloved, when will you come?"

Everybody in the palace cried. Today, the whole day went like this.

But otherwise my mind was at peace and tranquil. In this peace of mind, remembrance swelled. Then a longing would come and tears flowed from the eyes. Again, quiet, peace, tranquility and rapture. Again, a longing would come like a streak of light from head to foot, and again tears. It became night and it was too late to go to the hermitage. On the roof, in moonlight, I kept sitting. There was a light breeze and dew. The sky was clear. The stars were shining. The cool breeze was full of longing and it did not allow the sleep to come. I kept sitting in this peace and bliss. Hours passed by, sometimes feeling of happiness, sometimes of love, sometimes tranquility, sometimes eagerness, sometimes longing. I realized only when it was morning.

Somebody came from downstairs and said: One sadhu has come and is standing. He says, your Beloved's beloved, I have come.

Mom heard this and hurriedly came upstairs and said: Get up daughter. Your Beloved's beloved has come.

1 listened but I could not get up. I asked: Where is he?

Mom said: He is standing downstairs. He has sent a message 'I have come'. Come, let us go and bring him inside.

I laughed. I said: Someone is playing a joke on us. Someone is playing a trick on us. Do kings come like this? They will not wait at the door. He, who can pierce and enter your heart, how can he stop at a gate? Then, I am not getting any pull. My feet are not moving. Love will have a magnetic pull.

Mom was astonished and said: We should not be in the wrong.

I said: Send somebody to ask him, "What is his name and for what purpose has he come"?

The maid went and came back with a reply. He says: My name is 'O Lord' and I have come to bless.

I said: Go and tell him. We are not free at the moment. You sit in the lounge. We shall come in a couple of hours.

He listened to the message and sat in the lounge waiting. We sent food. He ate. We sent five gold coins. He took those. Then we sent a message. Not today. Come tomorrow.

He said: 'All right', and went away.

Now, mom laughed and said: Your love is true.

In the afternoon, dad came and brought the news that he was some ordinary sadhu. He got some information from one of the maids and played a trick.

The owner of the inn where he stayed has given all the information about him and he is now in jail.

My mom embraced me and said: O, daughter, you have got faith now. You will certainly meet your Beloved's beloved.

My longing to meet him increased and whenever we sat together we were talking of him only.

In the evening I went to the forest I saw two men sitting under a tree and singing. I sat down where I was standing. The singing stopped but I could not move. I moved only when both the gentlemen, who seemed to be very cool and full of happiness came and asked: Are you a saint lady meditating in this forest?

I said: No, I am not a saint lady.

They asked: Has any saint visited here?

I said: 'No'.

They said: Is it the same forest where about six years back, the king's daughter shot a traveler unintentionally?

1 trembled. My heart throbbed and with tears in my eyes, I said: Yes. But you tell what are you looking for?

They said: 'Nothing more'. And went away.

I went and sat in my hermitage. Remembering the past, I cried a lot. I could not understand what these persons were looking for, who they were, and what they wanted. It was night now, and somebody was singing a song:

"Please come,

lam longing to meet you.

Please come,

I am longing to meet you ".

Today, I forgot to go to the palace. My dad got worried. He brought a palanquin and lights to take me to the palace. My dad had put some people

for my security without my knowledge. As per my dad's orders they used to stay at a distance and keep guard. They could not leave me alone. So, they were there as security men.

Now, I went to the palace. But my longing increased. I told my parents about the people coming to the forest and enquiring. We all were in thinking and longing. At night we kept on singing the above lines with love.

Early morning, I came to the forest. My mom and dad also came along to listen to the divine songs in the forest.

When we came, there were four gentlemen standing and looking towards the north and singing:

"The Guru has come The Guru has come"

We were still bound. We stood like stone statues listening to the music. When we opened our eyes, these four gentlemen were not there. We came to the hermitage and sat down on the platform outside the hermitage.

Moments after, I felt a pull as if somebody has taken away my heart with his palm. I became unconscious.

My body was unconscious. I could see that 'I am not the body'.

From my heart came the words, "Mom, my Beloved's beloved has come".

Then my eyes closed. I was not conscious. I do not know what happened.

I saw my mom and dad startled. Then I do not know what happened.

When my eyes opened my head was lying on very loving feet. My eyes were shedding tears on them. A loving hand caressed my head. It gave rapture.

I was so delighted that I would not lift my head.

The hand that was full of deep love lifted my head.

When I saw the face I felt a flash and a dazzle.

My head again fell at his feet and I said, "O, Beloved's beloved".

Those lovely and loving hands again lifted my head and made me sit down.

I could not see at his face again.

Mom said: Your Beloved's beloved has come. See.

What should I see? Who has come? My Beloved's beloved has come. My soul has come. The first thought that came to me when he touched my head with his sacred and loving hands, was whether he is a beloved or he is 'love' himself. Tears came to my eyes, my head fell at his feet again and he was caressing my head with his loving hands.

I said to my mind: He really loved my beloved, and because of him he is bestowing so much sweet love on me.

At this time what should I do? I cannot think of anything. Should I cut my body, cut it into pieces and wave them around his head and put the pieces in fire? May I be a sacrifice to him? Whatever I have, should I give in alms?

I have become fortunate. I, who was a sinner, am being loved. I shot his beloved with an arrow. He has come and he loves me. It is wondrous, extreme wondrous.

I cried and said: O, my Beloved's beloved, but my throat did not speak and I kept on crying. Again I tried to speak, but again my throat did not speak.

At this moment a divine song was sung: "Welcome, Welcome O Beloved Welcome, Welcome O Beloved"

When the music stopped, mom pinched me and said: Daughter, let us be hospitable to the Beloved's beloved. He has come from a distance. Let us look after his comforts like bath, water and food.

Again, my heart throbbed. I said to myself: Oh! I am always forgetful. Even now, I am immersed in my own happiness. I have not cared for the comfort of my beloved. I felt sorry. I became unconscious and fell down.

When I regained consciousness I said: O, my Beloved's beloved, only you can love the sinners. O, redeemer of sinners, only you can forego your comforts and reach the forests to bless people.

O, merciful and gracious, bless me. You are a savior. O, my Beloved's beloved: I am nothing. I am gone.

Saying this, again I fell at his feet.

What happened? I was out of my body. My body was lying at his feet, but I was standing outside, and what did I see? I saw all beauty, all sweetness, like the beads on a wire, which now I have come to know, is called the wire of 'Super consciousness'.

It was like an insect reaching the rose flower, and becoming a beautiful butterfly.

There was a flash and I became joy incarnate. Then I saw that I am awake and I am sitting down.

My body was lighter than a flower and I was separate from my body.

My Beloved's beloved looked towards me, and smiled and said: Daughter, are you not a soul?

Now I was not afraid. My eyes were full of tears of thanks, and tears fell. He, lovingly said: Are you a soul?

With great love and respect, I replied: O Lord, I am nothing. You are everything. Yes. I am a sinner forgiven by your beloved. Make me your own. What am I? I am nothing. My beloved has left me alone. Now please, you don't leave me alone. The stupid that I am, I used to cry at the word 'Soul'. Today, seeing your miracles, I am in wonder. How can I trust my mind? I have no intellect. I have no light in me, the path is difficult and I am afraid.

I am at your feet. Bestow your grace on me. I spoke these words with great difficulty. My throat stopped. I was in tears. I was in happiness and humility.

I felt I have a house at the feet of my Beloved's beloved and I have left my body and am living there.

My dad, now, with folded hands made a prayer: O Lord, please come to our palace. Please put your sacred feet in our palace and make it sacred.

My Beloved's beloved was a bit startled.

He said: This name is that of my beloved.

I startled that he is the Beloved's beloved, then why has he said this? This might be another predicament.

I was thinking only, when he said: I call him 'O Lord' whom I love more than myself.

Now I got more afraid, I wished that the Beloved's beloved might not go away after putting us in the longing of another beloved.

But the intuitive Guru again said: Daughter, this is not a new thing. Your beloved had told you that it is God, but you were afraid that He is with you unseen.

What you have seen, everything fixed like beads in a wire is called 'Super consciousness'. The wire 'Super consciousness' emanates from the Lord.

He is formless but He is omnipresent. He is here, there, everywhere. He is near everyone. He can see everybody's soul. 'O Lord' is His name.

He reveals Himself as you have touched His feet now.

You have been remembering Him. In His remembrance you have been getting a pull from Him. This ecstasy, you are having is His. He is all love and you can meet Him by loving Him.

He is everywhere, inside the body, outside the body, in nature, everywhere. You don't have to look for Him outside.

By remembrance only, He reveals himself in His name.

Remembering Him is life. Forgetting Him is death. Meeting Him is the body soul meeting the Supreme soul. This is the real life.

The world is away from this real life. That is the cause of the suffering of the people. Without this life, it is lif elessness.

The Guru now, looked towards Mardana and said: Play the music.

The Guru got immersed in the Lord's name. Mardana played the music. The divine music was so rapturous that I cannot tell.

When the music stopped, my dad again requested him to come to the palace.

But my beloved's beloved said: We are happy here in this hermitage, where our daughter has been reciting the Lord's name.

By my hesitatingly saying and my parents requesting again with folded hands, the Guru agreed and came to the palace.

For us, it was a wondrous delight, happiness, joy and a gleeful fervor.

What should I say? Our entire vision changed. Our entire life changed.

The rapture that was there in being at the service to the Guru was something that we only knew. It is difficult to express the ecstasy in words.

Till today, I did not know what was happening? Who was pulling me? Where was I going? Now, I came to know everything.

Although without all this knowledge, the seed of spiritual life, i.e., the Lord's name that my beloved had planted in me had grown and flowered all right but after actually knowing everything, one had the real satisfaction.

Now I came to know that my Beloved's beloved is Guru Nanak Dev. One day, my beloved had mentioned this name, but the stupid that I was, I did not remember.

Today, I came to know that the person playing the rebeck is Mardana, who is the Guru's companion and the Guru's musician.

A few days before, the persons who were singing and looking for the Guru, were Bhai Bhagirath, Bhai Sheehan and Bhai Tara. They were the disciples of the Guru. They had gone to Kartarpur to meet the Guru. They were told that the Guru has gone towards the river Chenab. They were trying to locate and find him.

Here they knew, that the Guru had to come, because the Guru had been told of the death of Bhai Triloka (my beloved), and my longing to meet the Guru.

The Guru's sister Nanki was sure that since the Guru has gone towards the river Chenab, he would surely come to bless me.

The Guru's sister Nanki had felt this in her meditation.

All of them had come to meet the Guru, and deliver a message from sister Nanki that the Guru should come home and meet them. The Guru came here to make true the words of his beloved and bless us. I adore at the feet of the God like Guru, who said to his disciples: Nanki is my sister but this blessed girl is like my daughter. I will spend a few days with her. But my sister will get my love today only.

It was wondrous to see, how he was bestowing his love on me, who had shot at his beloved.

All the time, I was in so much thankfulness to the Guru.

Now, I came to know that in our kingdom, Bhai Firna and Bhaijodh who had been blessed by Guru Nanak, are living and many more disciples of the Guru and blessed by him are living in our kingdom. Who knew that such gems were hidden in our kingdom?

They had their own holy congregation, and my beloved had come to meet them.

Seeing a nice, beautiful, peaceful place he sat down in meditation, in deep love of the Lord, when my stupid hands shot at him.

His name was Bhai Triloka and he was the son of the old man Bhai Bhagirath.

The Guru loved him very much and by the blessings of the Guru he had got realization in a very young age.

The day, when my hands shot at him, he was not even twenty-two.

Today, I came to know that whom I shot at, has given me life from lifelessness.

The old man Bhai Bhagirath, whose son I shot at, is treating me like a daughter and says, it was God's will and has no ill will against me.

The Guru, the redeemer of sinners, whose loving disciple in that young age, was shot at by me is calling me a daughter.

That is why the Guru's disciples call each other as brothers. They have all the love. They don't have any feeling of separateness in them. They do not discriminate between rich and poor. They have unlimited forgiveness. How good is this holy congregation?

I was much absorbed in my pleasures and I never knew that there is something like suffering on this earth. Now, I came to know that the world is

full of suffering. People are in distress. Everywhere is evil doing. It is darkness all over.

To remove this darkness, Guru Nanak has come to this world.

He has blessed his disciples and made them saints and they are now blessing the people.

In the entire kingdom, the news of the arrival of Guru Nanak, and my entire story spread.

The goodness of Bhai Triloka and the blessings of Guru Nanak influenced the people so much that they all became disciples of Guru Nanak.

How wonderful! Beloved Guru Nanak has come to our palace.

Mom and dad did whatever was to be done when some respected person came over.

But me, stupid, who was blessed and loved even after killing someone, who was ignorant, careless and carefree from birth, who was naive, how could I know how to accord a befitting reception to a big person, and how to get his pleasure, and how to respect him?

I used to tell the Guru whatever came to my mind.

With folded hands, I told him: O, Savior, I have not much sense. Everybody says, today is a day of rejoicing. I do not know how to rejoice. I have not much sense. I do not understand.

Bless me that I do not forget the Lord again. The Name that you have given, I feel its strength in me. This should remain all I am living.

One more favor, you do to me. You lay the foundation stone of a gurdwara with your sacred hands in this kingdom, where your blessed people could gather as a holy congregation, and the city dwellers may become your disciples and pursue the path of religiousness. This is my second rejoicing.

The Guru was delighted to hear my prayer.

"O Genius Guru Nanak

O Angel Guru Nanak"

With great enthusiasm, he laid the foundation stone of a gurdwara. He sat there, and gave the name nectar to every body, and put them on the true path. The whole day, he was giving the name nectar to everybody, and the whole kingdom was blessed.

In the evening, was recitation of Asa raga, after that the Guru himself sang the Aarti, listening to which, one goes into ecstasy.

O, traveler, this is the place where the beloved was shot, where I remembered the Beloved's beloved for years, where Guru Nanak came and

sat, and where the divine music was sung even after the Guru had left.

The Guru stayed in our palace all through mid-October to mid-December.

In the whole kingdom and the neighboring villages and far and near it was:

'O Great Guru Nanak\ 'O Glory Guru Nanak'.

Many ignoble people were blessed.

Now, the Guru had to go to other places to bless people. How could my love tolerate the separation?

But now, my love had a broadened thinking. His coming to the world was for humanity's sake and I realized that.

To be happy in his pleasure, and to be ready in his orders, and receptive to his wishes, was my respectful love for him.

I was happy and I was praying: O, Guru Nanak, please come again. Be in my heart when you are away from my eyes. The remembrance of the Lord that you have given me, please keep it strong. I should not forget even in one breath. Let me always be at your feet. If I go in forgetfulness, please pull me into remembrance. Today, you are going. Please do come again. You have picked me up from dust and put me in the sky. Please be my savior always.

In our love and pangs of separation, the Guru got ready to go.

Before that, there was a talk regarding my getting married. My dad put this suggestion to the Guru.

When the Guru looked towards me with love, I touched his feet and said: You know everything, save me from the worldly fires.

He said: We have put water in the fire and 'freedom from desires' in worldly entanglements. We want to teach to live in the family with mind detached.

I said: All right, whatever you will say is my food.

He said: A family man should reach the Lord. How the 'love of the Lord' and 'family life' are knitted together, I have come to show. I have propagated the path of 'family man' with a detached mind. Being a family man and then do evil is bad. But if somebody is in the love of the Lord and doesn't want to have family life casually (not for show off or as an obstinacy), then I will not say he is wrong. Deception is bad. Show off is bad. Do not deceive. One has to bear the fruits of bad deeds at the end.

Then he looked towards my dad and said: Don't force her for anything. The Lord's hand is on her head. Whatever she does will be good. Don't trouble her for anything. If she likes to marry, marry her. If she doesn't like,

then do not force her. She has the responsibility of service to the holy congregation. Her 'Super consciousness' is attuned to the Lord's name. And she is in ecstasy.

Then, he touched my brother's head and named him Hari Das. He said: You rule the kingdom. Your sister will meditate. You will be a support to her.

After showering immense blessings, my beloved's beloved went to another place. We felt very sad. But we had love and tranquility in us.

The morning and evening holy congregation was held there, Asa-di-var in the morning and Rehraas and Aarti in the evening.

The remembrance of the Lord and recitation of His name became incessant.

Dad was ruling and I was serving the holy congregation.

When my brother became the ruler, the Guru's words became fruitful.

Thus I completed my age of fifty years that was written on my forehead.

Yes traveler, here a stranger, simple, handsome man was reciting the Lord's name, who was alone, and nobody knew him, who was shot at by stupid dirty hands and was later cremated, and excepting two eyes, there were no more eyes to shed tears for him. He came unknown and went unknown, but the man, who had the life spark from Guru Nanak in him, uttered a few words, and the effect was that the day Guru Nanak left our kingdom, the number of people who went to see him off up to the border was more than a thousand.

One life of the beloved man became the cause of thousands of people being blessed.

Here sat that loving soul and in lieu of his every drop of blood a disciple was created.

O traveler, are you a disciple? See, what is discipleship.

Listen to the loving message of Guru Nanak which he gave, and which put people from the losing path to the gaining path.

Imbibe his message in your heart, and then make others understand his message. See, how much strength there is in one disciple with a life spark from Guru Nanak. See, how one disciple became one and a quarter million.

See, how the losing path becomes a gaining path.

After telling all this, the fairy like lady became quiet.

She looked towards the heavens and then towards me and said:

Do not forget the Lord from your heart.

Remember Him day-in and day-out.

I am blind, the Lord's name are my eyes. I have the strength of the Lord within me. The worldly desires cannot fascinate me.

She said these lines with utmost love, and showered her immense blessings on me. Then she went up and up to the heavens, shining like a ray, and vanished.

In my sleep, I felt a pang in her going away. In that pang, I woke up. I was there and the hermitage was there. It was lonely and peaceful. But a fragrance and a fountain of nectar could be felt, which was simmering in my body cells and a sensation of divine music was giving rapture.

O, Wonderful, Guru Nanak, O, redeemer of sinners. How you blessed everybody, and how you have given a glimpse of the Lord to me, who was living in the forgetfulness of the Lord, and made me understand true life. The words of the beloved to the king's daughter are repeated once again: He (Guru Nanak) will come and meet you if you do one thing day and night:

"While strolling and walking While sitting and standing Keep on reciting O Lord, O Lord".

Guru Nanak will come and meet us also. Let us recite :

O Lord, O Lord, O Lord, O Lord

Starting with at least five minutes a day.

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