The queen of Raipur had a secret, and somebody had found it out.
The secret was that she loved Guru Gobind Singh Ji. She kept it deep inside her, under wrap after wrap, away from unkind eyes. But unkind eyes are sharp.
And now messages had begun arriving from the hill kings round about. If you take the side of the one with the plume, they said, we will come and take your kingdom away from you.
That evening she walked out into her garden by herself, and she was in a bad way.
The sun had gone. The moon had not come up. There were clouds over everything, and it was getting dark, and it was dark inside her too.
She pressed her forehead with her hand. She looked up, and looked down, and then stood still.
O my friends, she said to nobody. My kind, concerned friends, who are so worried about my kingdom and so careless of my life. Your loving words are poison. You are not curing my pain. You are the ones giving it to me.
She stood there in the dark thinking that she might lose the one thing she had.
And then, from the far end of the garden, somebody began to sing.
It was a line out of the Holy Scripture, and it came across the dark garden to her like cool water.
If the Lord gives me a kingdom, what greatness is that of mine?
And if he gives me a begging bowl instead, what have I lost?
O mind, remember the Lord's name.
The queen went towards the voice.
At the other end of the garden an old lady was sitting by herself with her eyes shut, so full of love for the Lord that she had not noticed anybody coming.
The queen knew her. And she went down at the old lady's feet with the tears running.
The old lady opened her eyes and lifted the queen's head up, and put her arms round her, and rubbed her back with her hand the way you do with a child who has been crying.
Was that a hand, asks Bhai Sahib, or was it magic?
Because in a moment the fear went out of the queen. It simply went. And what she had been so afraid of losing was there again inside her, safe.
They stayed like that a long time. The stars came out. The moon came up and laid a white sheet over the garden. It was bitterly cold and neither of them minded at all.
Then the old lady walked her slowly back to the palace with the queen's head resting on her shoulder, and sat her down among the cushions, and sent for her son.
It was long past midnight when the queen opened her eyes and saw her son and the old lady sitting beside her.
Darling, she said to him, your mother was drowning today. This lady pulled me out.
Then, to the old lady: my own mother left me in the middle of the sea without oars and without a light. You have brought me to shore.
Tell me one thing, she said. How do I get rid of this fear? I have given money away. I have gone without food. I have cried and been sorry. And the fear comes back.
It is dirt on the mind, said the old lady. It goes when the Lord's name comes.
But how do I get Guru Ji's kindness? said the queen.
Read the Holy Scripture that you love, said the old lady. It is full of the Lord. It carries you towards him. Say the Name out loud, or say it silently inside. Either way the mind lifts, and you feel him near, and that is joy.
Then the old lady said the thing worth remembering out of this whole night.
Do not think Guru Ji is somewhere far away, she said. Get that thought out of your head altogether.
Think that he is here. Close. Just here.
Whoever feels that Guru Ji is close by has Guru Ji holding him up, and a person who is being held up is not afraid of anything.
The queen said: if that feeling ever leaves my mind, I am finished.
Then she said it like a prayer, and made her son say it after her.
O true Guru Ji. We are yours. Good or bad, we are yours. Even when we forget you, we are yours.